Coming from a psychodynamic and systems therapy background, I view individuals, couples, and families as interconnected within larger systems. For example, a couple’s conflict pattern often reaches far outside the confines of the relationship. Imbedded in a common household disagreement are each individual's’ ideas about responsibility, gender, sexuality, care, communication, and the list goes on. Perhaps these ideas came from their parents. Perhaps they came from their culture(s). Perhaps they are conscious, or maybe they are buried, unconscious. Our work together is to explore the roots of the ideas that currently guide and shape our self-concept, as well as the way we relate to others. When what lives in us implicitly becomes explicit, we become aware enough to grant ourselves room so that we might do life, love, and relationship in new ways.

My work often attracts those who feel weighed down by shame. In the demanding world we live in, it’s not uncommon for our sense of belonging and purpose to become frayed by cruel inner critics and a culture obsessed with hyper-productivity. For those who have been made to feel that their lovability depends on their usefulness and willingness to self-abandon, the cost of “belonging” can feel like an impossibly high price to pay. And yet, when the polish of a perfected persona is stripped away, it can create space for the gritty, seemingly unlovable parts of ourselves to reveal our authentic grace. When we find ourselves feeling isolated, choiceless, and disconnected from our fiery essence, it is a sure sign it’s time to turn inwards and tend to our flame.

While it can feel terrifying to set down the masks we wear for protection and self-preservation, it opens the possibility of having a deep need finally met: to be seen and accepted in our entirety. Contacting our harm, our hurt, and our shadow is tough—often annihilating—work, but they are chapters of our stories that deserve just as much attention and care as our greatest victories. Honoring the divine connectedness of all living things includes bearing witness to the sacred thread that weaves together our darkness and our light. It is an opening—a provocative invitation to see yourself wholly, perfectly fractured, just as all living things are.